i want to mute myself. for certain reason. unspeakable reason.

it is not good, i know everything is not good enough for me, cause i just happen to be greedy.

i hate myself. seriously, i do. why should i?

cause i treat myself badly, i shape myself into an abnormal creature that i never want to approach.

paradox. contradiction. they can survive in a parallel way, although they are actually some sort of conflict. it happens in me, myself. most of the time.

i know nothing, in the meantime, i know everything that i suppose to know.

i want to explore more about myself. but i couldn't cause i know i'll be frightened by myself.

i'm too coward to face the another 'me'. not wanting to admit the 'antagonist' that is always there, influencing my own decision. instigates me to hurt the others, hypnotize me to play foolish game.

i shall be paralyze too, guessing so.


ViC

have you ever thought of life is meaningless? that is the topic of today....

i meant... no matter how the event or people have positive/negative impact on ya, one day, it will become memory someday...

memory that you might not wanna recall on... or you just treasure it very much...

anyway... either of them... it is just MEMORY...

people actually live on their own... independently... they should have... if someone is too dependent on something... or someone... he/she will suffer... a lot... as if nothing could last forever...

colours fade, people gone, words fall, voice mute...

you can never hope too much... not that you can't, but just don't ever dare to desire the perfect ending for every single story in your LIFE...

here i am, wandering in the center of nowhere... i'm a stranger to everything i'm not, i'm unfamiliar with..

i know, one day i ll, for sure to imitate everything surrounding me... wearing the mask i suppose to be...

so before the someday come along, i need a confession... to the world i never belong or i did before...

don't you ever care or adore me cause i m not the one you think i am... i m never in that way u bear witness... before or after...

i m suffocated myself in my tiny little corner for unstoppable modifications... it is quite weird to admit that... hell lots of thinking and interpreting to survive...

i don't even understand myself, there are conflicts and confusions developing along within entire of my life...

i think i should stop now in case the whole explanation get worse... whatever... i think i ll still continue in that way since it is my destiny...

to explain a bit bout y i'm being so moody recently... i'm kinda sick... yes, SICK...
I'm sick of myself... sick of everything surrounding me... excluding my frenz and family.... they are being nice... it is only me,mahself being mean and nasty... i hvta admit it... therefore i'm sick... both mentally and physically...

so, here you go... you might interpret that phrase as a pessimistic message from me... apparently it is... i'm that sort of person you'll get a bit annoyed coz i'm alwayz being too worried about everything... especially LIFE... i'm always messing around with the definition of life.... which came up with a conclusion that LIFE is kinda meaningless to hav discussion on.

i guess that's it.

welcome to my world,
silver purplish mist that surrounded me with suspension, here comes sweet death, neither hell nor heaven...

actually.... this is something i wrote last year Nov. I still think that it is pretty interesting... :) just wanna share with you guys... about my feelings. I always like to follow them, be true to your heart... cause you yourself understand the bearing of your life, therefore, you feeling will surely bring you to the perfect starting point.

luv
ViC