Sapphire_deau

This is just a dream,
An uncomplete dream,
Which take me to reach the end of the world,
The place where falling starts.
A world without warm and happiness,
Cold and sorrow ran the main theme,
Tolerance and insistence is a necessity,
For this mysterious adventure.
I am always wondering,
The distance of my sight,
Suprisingly,
it is just as short as,
The limited lifetime that we get.
Farewell to my wonderland,
I am no longer belong to any of them,
Innocent and artless,
Simple and unaffected,
It is just an impossible task.
My tears are rolling,
It hasn't drop but soon it will evaporate,
Vanish and forget about it.
I am not allow for softness,
My heart will be as tough as steel,
The sin that I am going to establish,
I'm not going to let it influence my conscience.
Not even a chance,
I am going to let myself to have.
Not even a glance,
I am going to predict my future.
Till the day that everything are gone with the wind.
The only bit will be left is the Sapphire d'eau.

As blue as the sapphire,
As pure as the sapphire.
The dignity and elegance,
My soul will experience and never ever forget.

by ViNCENt

Hey guyz, juz modified my previous poetry a bit...It is from last year actually, examine it and comment me bout the mistakes. XD
Posted on 15:49 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

hundred, thousand Thanks to ~

2006, a very special year for me.

fAMIlY
thanks to my dad. bro. takin good care of me. felt sorry to both of them. hee... always creatin quite a lot of probz. if you guys see this thingy, wel, i guess i'm terribly sorry. i'll try my bez to be as fine as possible next year.... hee, couldn't guarantee though. XD

fRENZ

PeNrHoSian
Hey there, you all are great. truly great. especially to my group.

ave, jac, loz, leen, vern, mandy

ave~ you brilliant girl XD. thanks to your advise and erm, well yea, great to have you as my frenz, really apprieciate it. we should call each other sometimes during next year and 'bou din wa zhuk' for like 3 hours again. btw, talk a bit slower ya, so i can get ya meaning... hahaha.

jac~ hee... jac, you are always active, sharing and lively... we have same kinda interest in anime, drama, songz... besides, we are both bad on the same thing, ya noe what i'm sayin... hint hint: cycling and swimming, haha XD

loz~ chubby girl... :D oh wel, i guess i'm a bit afraid of you at the first stage.... hee, but then after that you are quite friendly and we work quite well together in a group in quite a few of the subjs. nice to have you to accompany me for the after school "piano session". XD mayb we can walk home together next year.

leen~ wel, we are previously the trio nerds with ave... hahaha. leen are qute funny sumtimes with weird jokes and topics. XD leen have a pretty well developed brain too. oh yea, leen muz! muz take G&T with us!!! if you dont... hehe... you'll know it next year... :P

vern~ aww, alwayz caring... hee... first of all, thanks to your gorgious bag... i used it in some wedding... hehe, people told me it was very elegant. btw, we are the best partner of all in the 'BIG 2' yae.... XD we should continue it next year too, shall we? (ps: i got a new pack of cards. :D)

mandy~ quiet, smiling mandy.... :) although we didnt really 'communicate' much this year... hehe, i'll try to 'approach' mandy next year more 'straight forwardly', hahaha. mandy should talk more yae, not only on msn only, at school too... XD oh yea, i still hv to thanks mandy for the first week, when you took me to the chapel when i lost my way during form.... arigato. :D

++ my BUDDY JAZZ. ~ hey jazz, you are a special individual for me.... hahaha. my first buddy. thanks for everything, bringing me into such a nice group, being so patient to explain everything, taking good care of me the whole year, always ask 'are you okay' or like 'do you need any help' when you felt that i'm helpless. so, too much to say and forgive me to round it up with THANK YOU.

M'sia
apa khabar? really miss you all especially people in JR3A (2005), we couldn't meet each other that often though. i'm so so sorry that i couldn't visit you all more occasionally.

special thanks to Chyi and Ginny... both my bez frenz...

Hey Chyi... hehe, i know you like P!nk ey. i'm very happy that we still continue to contact each other although i'm in the another part of the world.... our friendship wasn't breaking apart but still firm and steady... i knew it won't shattered that easily, since we know each other for so so long... almoz 9 years... 9 years... how long is dat... XD next year 17 adi... hahaha, they say 寂寞的十七岁。。。XD k ler, anywayz, pleased to have you as my very best friends for such a long time and it is goin to, and it will continue throughout our life time.

ello, Ginny, ah no, Betty.... hahaha, still remember the little joke we made? that you got so annoyed.... oh yae, after considering quite seriously, i'm goin to put my english name Vincent. lol, quite funny yae, after jenyn, vanessa and all those silly name.... XD thanks to listening to my complaint and stuff. nothing much more to say, hehe, my lovely 'wife' :P lolz.

by the way, thanks to San, Wen, Jun, the bez TRIO in my junior high lifetime. and ya, my BIG family which i act in the role of 'popo'. XD yun ling, lao ying and xiao ying... hehe...

once again, thanks to everyone. everyone that contribute every single bit in my lifetime experience. built up the growth of me myself no matter... when i'm happy, hyper, crazy or wel, emotionally broke down. XD

ciaoz, have a great holz. for my KC's buddy, goin to visit ya all startin of next month. for my recent group and frenz in auss, lookin forward to c ya all back to school at the end of next month.

luv
ViNCENt
Posted on 23:32 by l'Cie and filed under | 6 Comments »

who knew?

aloha... wow, how long is that, since sept. 22 until now ~ dec. 13

yeah, term 4 started and ended... quite a while ago. ya c. i think, work exp. and exam were both the biggest thingy.

WoRk ExP.

where? wel, RPH's pharmacy department.
first thing is tiring...
second thing is still tiring...
third thing is still... tiring...
why? oh duh.. workin is always tiring, you have to know that at the very first stage. no matter what's with it. i started to apprieciate my current job... life stage... as a student... more freedom after all. oh wel, i should talk a bit about the experiences i guess.

it was quite terrifyin when i stand in front of the light blue door, located in the Pharmacy dep, 1st level of RPH's south block. managed to control my fear and non-stop tremblin.. . . . and erm.. the worst thing is. my supervisor arent there. and .. they don't know. WHO the hell is goin to take me that day... = = and where i'm goin... plus... almoz majority of them doesnt expect my appearance on that day... (stop. stop grumbling XD)

however, after waiting... oh, i meant being dumped in the tea room for like one hour... that guy suppose to replace my supervisor came.. and took me around. we went to some places call Central Dispensing Service... main job there is to dispense medicine to inpatient pplz.

second day, same place. in the afternoon, i went to the Outpatient Dispensary... kinda same. third day, manufacturing. you wouldnt believe that packing and labeling a kind of medicine will take you the whole day until you actually do it. fourth day, Clinical Pharmacy... basically, you needa walk around the ward and checked out the medication chart. which is quite good for exercising. the thing is... the very pro-pharmacist that took me around ED aka emergency department, Cardiology and ICU aka Intensive care unit... alwayz use very pro-term of medication... at the end of the day... i was in a serious headache cause i cant even understand a single word of them, hehe... however, thx for their patient. hee.... last day, imprest, which is the job for pharmacy assistant... mainly for stocking medication around the ward... actually... it is not that hard and complicated, but extremely stressing... everyday i went back from work, the 1st thing i do wasn't stalkin around, gossipin as usual... i ran into.. my bed... eventually.... XD for sleepin ler... tiring.

newayz... i discover something though... like. for workin class people... the only thing they look forward is LUNCHTIME... the one hour is the moz precious time of all when you are bored with all those kinda labeling, stockin, filing and stuff... i hv got a chance to stalk around. XD thx to Avez, Laurz and CHyI. since three of them were quite willingly to spare out their time and chat with me.

eXaM

hooo... frankly speakin... i didnt do my bez in the exam... how sad.... :(
why? cause during that time.. i was quite addicted to MY GIRL! dun misunderstand yet... it is a korean drama... XD BAXIA... being a bit hyper again. sorrz. so, my sci's was quite erm... horrible... maths is alrite... waiting for final report... geez...

hOlZ

holiday... haiz... quite bz ler... was in INDO past few days... goin to Taiwan and Bangkok this week... whew... luv books! books! books! in taipei's eslite bookshopies... so excited... can't live without words. needa go back kampung later... so... rushing around... travelling... i'm quite afraid that i'll get sick though...

nEwYeAr

2007, sooner or later... wasnt really lookin forward to it. i'm quite sure, next year won't be as free as this year... haiz... ya know, gettin use to something relaxin is really easy... gettin use to busy won't be that easy... hee.

fEElINGs bout 2006

it's just like a dreamy year. all of a sudden, i just happen to go through a totally different world. it wasn't harsh or anything, everyone treat me well, take care of me. it is just my own problem... the kind of feelings? i guess.

the coldness, the indifferent, the sadness, the emptiness, the arrogant, being jaded... i can't really describe it well. it is too complicated for me... the conflict either physically or mentally isn't that SIMPLE. i always wanted to understand every single thing, unfortunately, my wisdom hasn't reach the point that i can afford, and able to interpret the sort of fEElINGs. not even me myself can fully realise the situation, who will know about that?

Nobody knows                    by P!nk

Nobody knows but me

That I sometimes cry

If I could pretend that I'm asleep

When my tears start to fall

I peek out from behind these walls

I think nobody knows

Nobody knows no



Nobody likes

Nobody likes to lose their inner voice

The one I used to hear before my life

Made a choice

But I think nobody knows

No no

Nobody knows

No



Baby

Oh the secret's safe with me

There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be

And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone

Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown

And I've lost my way back home

I think nobody knows no

I said nobody knows

Nobody cares



It's win or lose not how you play the game

And the road to darkness has a way

Of always knowing my name

But I think nobody knows

No no

Nobody knows no no no no



Baby

Oh the secret's safe with me

There's nowhere else in the world that I could ever be

And baby don't it feel like I'm all alone

Who's gonna be there after the last angel has flown

And I've lost my way back home

And oh no no no no

Nobody knows

No no no no no no



Tomorrow I'll be there my friend

I'll wake up and start all over again

When everybody else is gone

No no no



Nobody knows

Nobody knows the rhythem of my heart

The way I do when I'm lying in the dark

And the world is asleep

I think nobody knows

Nobody knows

Nobody knows but me

Me

~

so, in the very grand finale... of 2006, who knew what was going to happen after all?

'Never regret in your choices no matter you pull ahead or fall behind.
It is life, which you shouldn't look back. In fact, never.'  by 1, I said so. XD
Posted on 18:03 by l'Cie and filed under , | 0 Comments »

念念

放手吧，别，舍不得，

遗弃吧，别，放不下。

我又何德何能？

控制得了自己完全趋向感性的理智。

驾驭得了自己深藏心坎疯狂的思绪。

我说，为什么，不为什么。

我问，怎么了，不怎么了。

这是什么样子的自欺欺人。

不哭不闹不笑，其实就可以躲过一切纠缠不清么？

不，从来不。

如果事实真相就那么简单。

诗人就不需要故弄玄虚，

商人就不用再尔诈我虞。

面无表情，以不变应万变。

是否就能够继续生存？

委屈和愤怒对于沉默的狂魔，

只是一种单纯的感想，

还是逐渐放肆扭曲的邪念？

泪水与咆哮对于无情的狂魔，

只是一种简单的发泄，

还是一无所有后的奢侈品？

别再说下去了，我不想再聆听。

念念不忘的，竟是无悔的执著。
Posted on 22:49 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

沉默的狂魔

是生，是死，我清楚自己从来不属于这个世界。

是热，是寒，我感觉不到你我之间丝毫的温度。

是正，是邪，我只知道从心之所行，即是正道。

是对，是错，我愿意背负所有罪孽只为你的心。

是爱，是恨，我依然在痴痴眷恋遥不可及的你。

这是一辈子的承诺，就算我从没有机会告诉你。
Posted on 22:41 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

千篇一律

我有些不知所措，

熟悉的脸庞不再有熟悉的表情。

眼底闪烁的光辉竟存在着陌生。

曾经的坚定不移到底消失何方？

如是说蔚蓝的晴空不再美丽了。

如是说碧绿的草原不再清新了。

那这世界是不是不再拥有美好？

人说变换无常是一种天然规律，

那又有谁能够肯定这种自然率？

何人有能够坚决否定它的存在？

我们应该逐渐习惯自我调节，

毕竟生存在这万花筒般世界。

没人能为你做主除非出于自愿，

没人能强迫除非那是命定归宿。

思来想去的结果竟是毫无头绪，

换来的依旧是定理的千篇一律。

人终究是要长大锐变破用而出，

这是人类无法抵抗的经历作用。

我不想，不想因为必须长大而长大，

我不要，不要因为需要生存而生存。

我只想，只想安静坐在自己的灰色地带。

我只愿，只愿朦胧中冷眼旁观风花雪月。

那有什么不对？

哪有什么不好？

剑影下的崩溃，

只不过是眨眼间懦弱的催泪。

血光下的忏悔，

只不过是一瞬间死亡的回味。

Posted on 22:39 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

空空，遗忘？

我是否已经忘了，

好久好久以前的承诺？

我是否已经忘了，

好久好久以前的记忆？

我是否已经遗弃了，

好久好久以前的幸福？

我是否已经遗弃了，

好久好久以前的情谊？

很多人告诉我，缺了陷的人生就不再完美的了。

我只好承认说，我已经开始害怕这种不定时的慌神失忆。

我快疯了，有时候觉得自己快要不认识自己了。

我到底怎么了？没有人可以告诉我这是什么？

忧郁么？为什么我还可以在众人面前笑得如此泰然自若？

忧虑么？为什么我仍可以在这里诠释自己的愚蠢及病态？

只觉得我的世界都乱了套，再也没有规律和方向引导定位。

我哭不出来，喊不出声，被氧气压制的气管无法顺利呼吸。

身上所有器官好像拼了命要反抗背叛，理智的驱使，循规蹈矩的生活。

这绝对是一场战争，一场永远不会结束的战争。

可又有谁能告诉我，最后的胜利会带来什么样的后果？
Posted on 22:38 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

来无影，去无踪

天空的灰，

逐渐地吞噬清新鲜甜的湛蓝。

土壤的黑，

缓慢地延伸生机盎然的翠绿。

我轻轻地飘过这片诡异的自然景观，

没有任何一个生物注意到我的存在。

忘记了当初选择自我封闭的原因，

只残留下唯一的追随线索，

那份斑驳支离的回忆碎片。

到底是不是前世今生在作祟，

影子反射的只是曾经的欲望。
Posted on 22:06 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

随意

随意地留下痕迹，

不惊动之余飘过。

轻如鸿羽，

渺如细砂。

我是影子，

飘忽不定地周游列国。

没有一定的目的地，

看着形形色色的红尘烟云，

从古至今的世代交替，

我不禁感慨，

变了变了。

所有的一切，

都会在摧毁中重生。

我开始怀疑了，

你我并存的空间里，

还容得下任何一丝丝仁慈么？

那七彩缤纷的渲染以后，

掩饰的只是黑暗一面或是纯白一片，

可年华溜去面具剥落之后，

原始的丑陋欲望仍然残存。

我是影子，

没有定义形体的影子。

纵然不具有智慧的灵魂，

却拥有最真实的视线。
Posted on 22:05 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

物换星移

如此微不足道，

我感慨地理由亦是如此。

原来我还是会心疼的，

虽然发现时已经慢了一步。

以为自己从来不在乎的曾经，

能够潇洒地挥挥衣袖目空一切，

我只能老实承认我做不到，

可我又能如何呢？

主动放弃并选择尝试忘记的人，

是我自己，

所以人们才说，

失去了才懂得珍惜。

随着物换星移，

没有所谓的永恒，

夜晚的星空是百年前，

残存的支离倩影，

我们肉眼所能看见的，

也只不过是那微弱的光芒。

也许那只是个遥不可及的梦想，

一辈子也无法妄想达到的辉煌？

我沉默了，

这不正代表了短暂虚拟的前提。

没有任何一个人，甚至任何一件东西，

能够实现天长地久，

我是寂寞的，

只有那副躯壳里迷路的灵魂，

伴随我走到人生的尽头。
Posted on 22:04 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

恋蝶曲

忘我的寂然徒然间爆发出的咆哮，

我从不阻挠，

我并不想控制自己的幻想，

延伸的地带，

没有局限的空间，

闻歌起舞，

随风歌颂，

我在追求自由，

虽然不知道它长什么样子，

我仍然坚持自己的妄想，

我在追求幸福，

纵然我总是迷失在犹豫的森林中，

我依然采取放肆的举动。

这是个充满条律规则的世界，

那不是保护我们的宪法，

而是排除异己的政治手段，

不符合社会定律的思想，

哪怕是微乎其微的爱恋，

都会遭到摧残逼迫。

我的内心是疯狂的，

我的外在是平静的，

极端性质的存在，

绝对少不了挣扎，

是不是已经遭到诅咒？

在还没破蛹而出的彩蝶，

所承受的煎熬，

是否与痛彻心肺的折磨旗鼓相当。。。

那时成长的代价，

我应该坦然接受这份难能可贵的赠礼，

还是默默推拒保持距离，

在升华锐变的道路上没有谁能陪伴，

唯一的寄托是以生俱来的本能直觉。

哀莫大于心死，

心死之前来不及体会沉重的哀，

我想我是被神眷顾的，

因为我不曾真正的爱过，

也就不曾真正的恨过。

我应该知足庆幸，

那刻骨铭心的椎痛不曾属于我的过往现在，

甚至不久的未来。
Posted on 22:03 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

约定

天晴

很想写一些有建设性的东西。。。可是没办法，脑袋空空的。。。

决定了，就不能再后悔，这是我的原则，人生唯一的条规。。。至今从未反悔过。。。

写了这么久的玄文散词，还真有点不习惯那么直接的表达。。。可是说，我的自我表达能力太差了。

人在异乡，过着几乎颓废低迷的生活，有时候，连自己都鄙视自己。。。可能是少了个无形的枷锁吧。

所以我开始为所欲为，我并不想在这种重要关卡破例忏悔，那可不是我擅长的事情。

我知道为什么了，为何我总是心神不宁，心不在焉，那全是怠惰和空虚在作祟。

为了自己的将来，甚至是自己的幸福，我决定效仿蒋国父，不是有那么一句话么。。。

庄敬自强，处变不惊！

不想再过这没意义的生活，不想再荒废得来不易的机会，因此我才如此慎重的作出无悔的选择。

不论未来会有多么艰辛，多么坎坷崎岖，我都要秉持着顽强的意志力熬过去。

这是我对自己的约定，两年后的今天，我绝对要站在高峰的顶端，遥望一路的披荆斩棘，伤痕累累。

然后对自己说，从今以后，我的微笑里，不会再有所谓的狼狈和无奈。
Posted on 22:03 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

无止尽

我经常猜疑，

这世界上有没有容许我存在的余地？

不要告诉我自己多虑，

站在处于黑与白之间的灰色地带，

我的心里只有无限的空虚。

那中感觉经常被大人形容为少年不识愁滋味，

一种叫做寂寞的东西。

寂寞不是孤独，

反观孤独也不是寂寞。

寂寞是在繁华热闹中被包装的孤独，

看似靓丽实质却不以为然的衍生品。

在人门的心理逐渐滋长的孤僻，

长期自我封闭造成的慢性自杀。

我应该深感恐惧么？

当死亡的催命铃开始响起，

忧郁开始泛滥一朝一夕，

仅剩的时间寥寥无几。

我仍然在逃避，

无止尽的隧道里，

存在的是无情的黑暗以及窒息。

无止尽的隧道外，

存在的有可能是温暖的朝旭。

可是又有谁能够预测得了，

那朦胧的光束并非刀光剑影？

迷人的彩霞不是鲜血的绮丽？

哭泣的泪水并非懦弱无能的前提，

那只不过是哀叹过往的颓废唾弃。
Posted on 22:01 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

竹林深处

我是个浪人，在五花八门里的世界里穿梭，寻找自己，同时寻觅平静的感觉。

没有心的自己，不再去相信记忆，那总是用美丽的糖衣包装的谎言，自欺欺人得可悲。

世上没有所谓的永恒，所以我决定实实在在地将自己的经历记录下来。

哪怕是一丁点儿的风吹草动，也足以把我仅存的理智击溃。

我这种感情凌驾一切的人，只会危及身边其他人。

渐渐的，我的灵魂逃离了自己的躯壳，依附在颓废的地狱，臣服于寂寞的狂欢。

我不要有任何一丝丝恐惧，能够侵犯我奄奄一息的心智。

因此我一直艰难地把过往的点滴使用文字刻画，教诲我日益频临死亡边缘的身心。

诸神，原谅我吧，原谅我的自私与愚蠢。虽然是如此不堪，但，我还是要忏悔。
Posted on 02:24 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

绝望的呻吟

海蓝，在我的星空里面，原本是存在着希望的，就如同潘朵拉的盒子一般，同样带给我生存的欲望。

可是，渐渐的，我变得寡情，世间的残酷折磨，看多了，让我变得没有了心，我不能说自己看破红尘。

我承认我是孤独的，同时，也是寂寞，但，那让我能够远离人群，看清自己，太多太多的缺点，让我不堪入目。

所以我绝望了，不能说我从来就不希罕救赎，而是这花花世界里没有人会如此慷慨地捐献自己的灵魂。

人性本善，在这个大染缸呆久了，也会被渲染。我不怪任何人，毕竟，每个人心底深处，都会有个值得自己守护的人。

所以，爱，本来就是自私的。我爱每个爱我的人，所以我努力地掩饰自己。我不想爱我的人担心，所以我努力地生活。

他们永远都不会知道，我是以一个亡命之徒的心理过着每一天。我不想他们因为保护我而变得自私或者郁郁寡欢。

若放弃了希望，它可能不会再出现。对不对？

海蓝，我已经不需要希望了，就让上帝去眷顾那些更需要的人民。

我会沿着自己那条路慢慢走，或许称不上是康庄大道，但，还算是我自己选择的那条路吧。

我无力改变结局，在死神的面前，我们仍然是那么渺小。

每一次的测试磨难，披荆斩棘，就算无奈悲伤，都要微笑面对，知道么？
Posted on 02:23 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

静思

不久前，有个朋友告诉我。

‘我一点也不了解你，你完全没有想要被人家了解的意思。’

‘你很单纯，单纯到可以隐藏复杂背后的难堪。’

我在心里暗自笑了。你说对了，可是，我连自己都不敢解剖，又怎么敢让别人来检测自己的糜烂？

我在这里很坦诚地说，我一点也不想去考察自己的内心。

颓废的生活过久了，也会变得习惯，我的热忱随着时间消失粉碎，忘记了珍惜的定义。

我能够在这边如此公诚开布地宣称，不是我想通了，而是我绝望了。

我不能保证自己能够振作起来，我在人生里摔了无数的跤，可是我都不服输，抬头挺胸，站了起来。

可是这一次，我竟然让自己都失去了原有的动力，那我拿什么来作为起步的赌注？

亲友的爱么？我放不下，所以我将残留的理智遗留在空虚的身心里，继续行尸走肉，过一天算一天。

金玉良言听多了，我可以辩解得头头是道，可是在自我的某一个角落，我是最违背人生常理的人。

一个失去了灵魂的躯体又会有什么成就？能有什么伟大的抱负么？

只要不成为众人前进的绊脚石，我就已经很满足了。

生存的意义不在于希望奇迹的出现，努力的付出不在于获得回报，取悦自己，是为了别人的幸福。

自欺欺人的我，往后的生活，仍然要持续过。

我习惯独处沉默，漫漫长夜有足够的时间让我平定被扰乱的情绪。

就算换来的是无力的结局，雨后天晴会是久违的宁静。

~~

I am such an evil creature which live in the fantasy of darkness.

The silent screams that I have been experiencing throughout the whole conciousness is so unbearable.

I could never imagine the great suffer that have tormented my spirit since now and forever is such a nightmare.

The thing that I can only do is stay myself away from happiness.

I guess I have to stay away from the sparkling dream and future which does not belong to me.
Posted on 02:21 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

过往烟云

那情何以堪的爱错，

经不起考验的懦弱。

原来绚烂的烟火，

在还没来得及闪烁，

甚至绽放以前滑落。

冥冥中的误导迷惑，

却让人乱了思索。

那一瞬间的依稀方佛，

决定了缘分间的罪过。

在最美的幻影中许下的承诺，

曾几何时变质为放纵自由的枷锁。

无时无刻弥漫的惊慌失措，

狭隘的空间里散播着沉默，

心有灵犀间逐渐瓦解的败挫，

是你我现在唯一的线索。

不需要言语多说，

太了解彼此间的做作。

放下以后坦然自我，

将记忆尘封并暂时摆脱。

爱与不爱也不过就是命运的交错，

何以来的如此复杂繁琐？

Posted on 02:20 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

单身贵族

还记得前阵子，有个朋友失恋了，我一直以来，是她的心理咨询师。

很奇怪吧，一个从来没谈过恋爱的人，跑去替人家出主意。

很多有恋爱经验的人，都一致承认，恋爱中的人，永远都是盲目的，到了燃眉之急的时刻，更是连最后一份理智也抛弃不顾。

往往，一个不小心就摔得粉身碎骨，因为错了。

偶尔，最后是一辈子幸福快乐的结局，因为侥幸。

关于这段带有缺憾的爱情，我对她深表歉意。到了后来，我依然没有办法帮她挽留最后一丝情谊。

可见，男人啊，狠心起来是绝对不留情的。

我朋友从来不是个滥情的人，也不是来者不拒，自己本身条件也不错，长得娇小甜美，总是让人怜惜的可人儿。

这一次，对她来说，是感情放得最重，刻骨铭心的一段情。

她的迷恋和执著让我不禁怀疑，这是我，一直以来对感情，拿得起，放得下的朋友么？

我没敢问，一直到数个月后，她渐渐从情伤里走出来，我才对她提出质疑。

她的回答令我印象深刻，‘森，你或许不懂，我也不勉强，一旦你真正爱上一个人，就好像吸毒一样，令人无法自拔，我想，我已经沉溺于他给与我的憧憬。’

是的，我确实不了解，因为我从来没有把感情如此深入地投注于某人身上。

隔天夜里，她对我提起，‘我觉得，我对待感情太认真了，每一次，付出一片真心的人是我，最后伤痕累累，独自舔伤的人也是我。我不甘心，以后，我再也不想如此疲惫，爱情对男人来说，来得快，去得也快。’

我开始害怕，害怕她从此成为薄情的人。我说，‘小贤，把你的立场放去那些对你付出真心的男人，你心里好过么？或许对你来说，只不过是逢场作戏，暂时的热 恋。但是，有可能因为你一时的意气用事，错过了可以陪伴你一生一世的好男人。而这个世界上，又多了像你这种心态的人，一样的寡情薄义，这只会让人间更加可 悲，你也永远不会真正快乐。’

她，沉默了。我不懂爱的定义，但是我知道被背叛，被耍的感觉，一点也不好受，而且对象是你心仪的人，更是雪上加霜。

所以，情场受伤的人，如果你还没有心理准备，能够挑战下一场恋情，那就先中场休息，保持单身贵族状态，否则，玩弄真情的后果，是我们都无法承担的罪过。
Posted on 02:19 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

前天，今天，明天，后天

几乎是每一天吧，我都魂不守舍。

不是因为我爱上了谁，或者是迷恋上了什么。

前天的夜里，我失眠了。

今天的夜里，我铁定失眠。

明天和后天，谁知道？可是我的推论依然是失眠。

每个睡不着的夜晚，我总会上阅读网去看小说，每一段哀怨情仇，每一段纠缠不清。

无声的文字，一直以来都很奇妙地引领我前往周公的国度。

偶然间抬头望向琉璃窗台，狼牙月皎洁的柔光方佛在讥笑我憔悴沧桑的脸孔。

这个世间充溢着奇闻轶事，几乎是你想得出的事情，它都会有可能会发生，这是我从千百本小说里得到的启示。

早晨充斥着氧气的气息，被繁重的窗帘暂时隔离在外。我睁开眼睛的那一霎那，他们从来都缺席。

我是存活在黑暗里的生物，白昼的光芒对我来说，亮丽得刺眼，纯洁得恐惧。

正午的琉璃窗前，和旬的太阳一直都包容着万物之灵的过错。

放眼望去，一百六十五度的角落，是一颗不知名大树。

有着三层楼的高度，浑然天成的气魄，是孤芳自赏，却不全然是高傲。

它总在风雨间摇曳，坚强的毅力是我所佩服的。

我喜欢默默地看着它，以眼神诉苦，总觉得它会完全了解，我的孤独。

没头没脑的，写了这篇日记，现在，对我而言，每一天最有意义的事情莫过于如此而已。
Posted on 00:01 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

茫然

灵魂之窗，不知觉中流露出一丝丝空洞。

原先充满活力的心智，在时间的搁浅下逐渐蒸发。

我是莫可奈何的，主宰一切的大脑，方佛置身其外，以自顾不暇为由拒绝了从新振作。

隐约之中，我的怅然若失感染了一举一动，一颦一笑。

那双手，对于悲鸣的节奏特别敏感。

那双脚，为了秋天的落叶停驻恍神。

那眉目，无意间会有不明液体泛滥。

那微唇，扬起的笑容总是莫名惆怅。

没有人，能够真正了解麻木的痛苦，除非你也同样经历过。

听取前辈的劝告，我随性整理了杂乱无章的心情，带着这简单却繁重的行囊 ，寻找属于自己的颜色。

那七彩渲染上的灰天，非笔墨能够形容的魅力。

我从不奢求，能囊括所有，包容一切。

或许我从来就不在乎我拥有的点滴，不曾珍惜，但是从下一秒开始，我会谨慎检视。

没有意义，违背心理的生活，霎时费力。

明明看见了那个目标，却无法阻止自己往反方向走去。

对，渐渐变得遥不可及，自我挣扎的最后是放弃。

我要的是什么？我到底在不在乎？我的前途在何方？我生存是为了谁？

无解，或者是误解。

我像是站在无名沙漠的中心点，脸上带着茫然失措的表情，不断往前走去，前往不知名的远方。

一路的陪伴，只有沉寂锐利的仙人掌和惊悚骇人的沙漠风暴。
Posted on 12:14 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

错误

人的一辈子里面，

有多少分是错误？

有些无意间造成，

有些是不择手段，

有些是间接性质，

有些是十恶不赦。

不论你属于哪一种，

错误，

总归来说，

就是错的，

尽管你是错得离谱，

纵然你是错得荒谬。

罪名一致被定。

这么说吧，

每个人的一生，

都可以被说成一种错误。

一个平顺无奇的人生，

会被诠译为毫无挑战性。

一个飞黄腾达的人生，

会被解释成极端的自傲。

一个落魄颓废的人生，

会被视为放纵自我的罪。

是不是打从娘胎开始，

我们出现在这个万花筒里，

反映出来的实际上就是一种错误？

创世主打的注意又是什么？

是一种不折不饶的锻炼么？

还是永无止境的自责忏悔？

Posted on 17:55 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

循环

已经多久了？

没有再那样开怀畅谈，

毫无顾忌地玩味嚼词。

我只是要简简单单的快乐。

而不是笑容下的压抑苦闷。

那屋帘延绵的水滴，

正是我向往的生活，

蒸发后持续凝华，

循环的干净利落且不复杂。

雨后的七彩是美丽的神话，

偶然的风韵是节奏的潇洒。
Posted on 17:53 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

blue

here i come again... one month since last outing hey... kinda Long... actually it is. no duh...
so... let us split into a few section... since there are too many stuff to tell, oops, i mean write... erm yae, type... i reckon... :D

fRiends
firstly, I have to apologize here to Chris, if you saw this post... I don't mean to not being there... for your special outing... so, 容我在此送上一曲周杰伦的《安静》伴唱作为赔罪，hehe, i wrote it in chinese coz hvta prevent others from understanding it... why? well, if not i hvta actually present that in front of everyone... most probably, you won't notice i had actually updated my blog. hahha. (sshh, don't tell her yae)

and erm, jac, mandy, leen leen (hee) and erm vern, hav a nice and safe trip to Jap... enjoy urself... it is a bit late to say that, but yae... still, have fun...

for ave, loz and jazz, i thought they hv had a great camp... (well, not for loz, probably XD)
and erm, i'll try my bez to persuade them for the sleepover though... but the rate for success is yae... 0.001%... hehe...

fAmily
well, still the same... zz, happy birthday. lolz... my dad won't check out my blog hey. hee, anyway... my bro, erm, recently, he is nagging me to find him a gf... ehem.... so you guys, if anyone is interested, tell me yae, leave a comment here and i'll giv u further 'info'. hahaha, nah, juz jk, but if u r really keen for that, i can 'help out' a bit. XD

sChool
anyway, last month were extremely disaster for me (ave, izit extreme or extremely? XD) ... Firstly, I cut myself in D-tech, no one have bandage...(yae, aka plaster) Secondly, I had a infection of stye... then, soar throat and stomachache... Finally, I twisted my ankle during health Expo night...(trust me, I'm not kidding) how sad is that... I can't even walk the next morning, I miss the chance to visit the WASO morning symphony... and the next day, my PE period was scheduled for Ice Skating...god knows how a 'handicapped' person can skate "swiftly" on the ICE!

Forgive me, I hvta get out of that "pathetic" experience first. Anyone here watch ? It is a Korean drama actually. As usual, nice guyz and girlz... well, anyway, it is not the point... the point is how beautiful they skate on the Ice... since that time... I had been looking for chance to get an experience... Not quite professional but just having a try...

AND, it finally came... And... I lost it... because of the sprained leg... I'm quite Down that day during the bus travelling along to the venue... I kept wondering why things turned up to become like that? eventually, things turned up quite different from what I imagined...
so, i went on for the ice skating Bravely... although my leg got hurt after dat for quite a few days, but it is worth for it... thanks to Miss P and all my PE class's frenz... it was a nice experience and they helped me out quite a lot... XD especially sAm, iSabelle and eMma...

well, talking about sports... it was a bit sad... coz next term we hv no baddie after school for Fridayz... i'm looking forward for it next year :)

ohya, great news... next term we are havin summer uniform... yay... it is a lot easier to put on... and erm... for guys in the north part of the world... dont get too confused... coz we are actually havin diff season from urs... right... summer here. for precise, i think it is spring...

kC's buddy
hi guyz, heard u all r havin exam. well, good luck. coming back at the end of the year... hee... dun miss me too much... hahaha.. XD

mE
erm... now is term 3 holiday... and yae, i m almoz unconcious everyday... i wrote stuff and put on my another blog... besides... i dunno, mayb i juz hang around diff websites meaninglessLY... for assigns... i put aside quite Oftenly... sometimes i wonder my sense of feeling become blunt every single day... mostly, i shut down my lOgical part of brain... getting bLue... anyway, dont worry... it happens once in a while, when i'm stressed totally...

basically, that is what happening this few months... ciaoz, see ya later...
Posted on 19:03 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

丢心

我只是在冥冥中发现了一个不应该被发掘的秘密。

我只不过在沧海桑田中偶然开启了千古隐藏的奇迹。

那时关于，预言。

从此，我背负的命运，变得沉重不堪。

感觉上，我是一厢情愿的，自从失去目标那一天开始，我把自己的心弄丢了。

很糟糕，五味杂全，百感交集。

我不敢说，没有人了解，只是，如果连我这个当事人都不清楚自己的状况，那你们明白么？

我只是想说，人的一辈子，没有不失败过的，不是么？为什么，偏偏我，触礁的机会那么多？

没有了心，我不再有爱与恨。这未免不一定是个腐败的选择，只是很荒芜，逐渐腐朽的血迹，遗忘了真实的情感。
Posted on 18:52 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

坠光交加

疯狂扭动吧，
坠落的天使，
在五光十色下，
显得特别妖冶。

荒乱的节奏，
闪烁的目光，
在靡靡之音里翻云覆雨。
Posted on 18:51 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

疑惑

其实这是个梦，不完整的梦境。

或许我也不知道，何时会结束。

我的生活在躲躲藏藏中度过，不时的逃难把我的心灵摧残。

我不可以拥有过多地希望，因为我的能力不能创造奇迹。

我只是希望自己可以平凡，偏偏内心深处却经常造反。

我在躲避什么？我在唾弃什么？

我到底想做什么？我到底要的是什么？

没有人可以跟我解释，没有人可以让我倾诉。

我在人间没有容身之所，我总是活在自己的世外桃源中。

从来没有意识到自己真正的身份，是时候了，应该面对自己。

我没有勇气，承认过去的散漫无知。

我没有骨气，承诺未来的幸福努力。

我只是很想，很想，把自己藏在世界的一角，不让别人发现我的存在。

我可不可以，不要再面对红尘的虚伪假象？

人生如戏， 戏如人生，我又何苦追逐执著？

曾几，我有过的经验中，把我带往众人前边闪烁璀璨？

何时，我才能走出庸碌，在世界的中心呼唤我的愿望？

我不曾后悔自己的选择，只是我开始怀疑，我终究的人生，是什么样的尽头？

Posted on 18:51 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

重担

疲倦，我还是感到厌倦了，渐渐开始不注重生活，不注重课业，好像所有东西都是可有可无似的。

真的吗？我不在乎了，对的。因为我已经想开始放手，往自己最爱的方向走去，向飞蛾扑向烟火时，瞬间的灿烂，忽明忽暗，最后剩下被人遗忘的残骸。

我只是，想把自己藏在一个柜子里，任意想象天马行空。随意挥霍自己的脑细胞，空中造阁。

我再也不想压抑自己。真的没有任何选择？
Posted on 18:48 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

极度空灵

零度的笑容，零度的暖意。

我没能留住你，所以，你飞吧！

自由的翱翔，才是你的梦想，不是么？

忘了离别的伤感吧，让新的里程碑冲淡过往的痕迹。

我已经不能再有所期待，所以我选择将情感葬埋。
Posted on 18:47 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

罂粟花

开始觉得，
爱情是笑里藏刀的罂粟花，
越是美丽迷人，
越是阴毒心狠;
越是人见人爱，
越是防不胜防。

或许某一天？我会碰触并且上瘾。但那永远会是一个告诫，一个千古不朽的教训。
Posted on 18:46 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

惯性作祟

原来，我已经习惯了，孤单的味道。
刺骨的寒风。
梦幻的冬天。
冷嗖的心情。
完美的装卸。

哪一个才是真正的我？
已经回不到过去了。
只能缅怀，无法浏览。尽力忘记，换来的是无止境..自我责备。
Posted on 18:43 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

哀音节

算是一种诉苦吧？

把隐藏的情绪，快要荒芜的记忆，收集到阁楼来。那是连我自己都避忌的地方，不敢越距，无法突破。


可是一味逃避又能怎样？是啊，又能怎样？


~~ Forever? Nothing last forever, it was just a desperate joke after all.

~~ I prefer vanishing from my own memory rather than running away from the past.
Posted on 18:42 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

关于等待

触不到的眷恋，

没有温度的短笺，

冰冷的信箱是唯一的信念，

牵起千里之外的姻缘。

望穿秋水的痴心等待，

午夜梦回的无法忘怀，

折磨的是心灵的安慰，

痛苦的是生理的疲惫。
Posted on 18:41 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

黑色郁金香

昨天放飞了，

可我不是天使，

没有轻如鸿毛薄翼的翅膀，

沉甸甸的身躯，

加上疲惫的心智。

缓缓合上的眼帘，

在瞬间寻觅获救的希望。

那圣光普照却朴素的阶梯，

会不会是救世主的引导？

被繁重的铁锁牢铐，

发出的呻吟，

眼底的啜泣，

不断的挣扎，

被视为微不足道的反抗。

那不是我自己的倒影么？

怎么它在冷笑？

微翘得嘴角显得洋洋得意，

似乎在说，

最后你终究是要落入我设计好的圈套里。

是不是觉得冰冷的大理石中，

没有一丝丝温度？

是不是觉得偌大的镶金边沙发里，

没有一丝丝柔软？

是不是觉得火焰正旺的红彤烤炉，

没有一丝丝暖和？

这是你自暴自弃的选择，

这华而不实，糜烂腐败的夜夜笙歌，

全是为你贪婪不堪的负面所诱惑的。

已经没有时间了，

每寸光阴飞也似地快速流失，

浑浊的烟酒气息，

掺杂口红的香奈尔。

习惯了霓虹灯背后的淫乱，

让我更加无法自拔。

或许我和心魔的奋斗，

终究还是失败的。

如果。爱里头说过，

世界本就邋遢，

天堂地狱一家。

那我现在处于哪里？

是充满罪恶的人间么？

那熟悉的尖叫，

痛苦的面容，

生活中的颠肺流离，

一直到后来，

面无表情，

漠然处世。

丧心的我，

或许比起沉沦的我，

来的更加可悲。
Posted on 18:40 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

放飞

我不知道怎么办，

不管我把心搁置何方，

你的影子总不分昼夜随行。

很想尽情摆脱的牵制，

却碍于懦弱的心智身躯，

我清楚明白你的宗旨，

就是引领我前往坠落的国度。

我不想被说成无病呻吟，

你可不可以就此忘记并放弃。

我不会是你唯一的俘虏，

为何你却如此钟情于掠夺我的灵魂？

腐败的思想以及可恶的习惯，

总是源源不绝的占据我的生活。

你走吧，

远远的咆哮我听不见，

就算是被弃尸荒野，

我也心甘情愿，

带着令人唾弃的身心苟延残喘，

又有什么用？

皑皑白雪的纯洁是我无可触及的梦想。

不要把自己伪装得如此悲天悯人，

让我希望你是我仅存的救赎。

不要把我形容得如此狼狈不堪，

这是你一手造就的罪孽。

最初的欲望，

会是最终的妄想。
Posted on 18:39 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

潘朵拉的盒子

希望。是的，古人说，留得青山在，不怕没柴烧。

偶尔，希望是一种奥妙的幻影，让你深陷其中无法自拔。

有些是渺茫的，发生的几率小于零，人们只能够望梅止渴，望洋兴叹。

这么看来，拥有希望并且苦苦等待的人，或许只能够虚度光阴，荒废一辈子去守候幸运女神的降临。

不如，在抱着希望的同时，努力耕耘，朝向目标前进？

虽然不是每个人都会被回馈于百分之一百的酬劳，但是，你至少费心尽力过了。。。

在这场人生的圆舞曲画下句号时，你 问心无愧。
Posted on 18:38 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

独奏曲的秘密

一个人的独奏曲，我享受完整的狂欢。

贝多芬的第六交响曲在我耳边鸣响，风雨交加的瞬间是颤音的回旋。

那不是我的最爱，雨后晴空的可人露珠，并没有焕然一新的满足感。

我不知道何时我会将曾经的美好，彻底忘掉，毕竟微笑背后的无奈让我不知如何是好？

这是没有灵魂的哀号，空虚间感觉不到生命力的蹊跷。
Posted on 18:38 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

坠落 vs 爱情

琉璃窗台边的月光，斜映在我脸上，墨夜中若隐若现的气氛，显出一种朦胧的美。

我独自熬过漫漫长夜的旅程，一杯白开水和一本书，是我夜半中声唯一倚赖的伴侣。

白开水，淡如其名。纯白无暇，开门见山，水光粼粼。

随手拈来的那本 ‘明年，你还爱我吗？’ 继续陪伴我逐渐轻垂的眼帘。

十二点一过，没有古典而浪漫的楼钟声，科技发展在时空的穿梭里，只遗下冰冷的手表自动响铃。

故事以男主角在西子湾重逢女主角正是画下句点。没有轰轰烈烈的生死拉锯，只有细水长流的相依相偎。

或许吧，当初青涩的毛虫已经锐变成艳丽的彩蝶。文章结束了，可是我怎么都认为，他们之间的故事才正要开始。 引用作者的话，是这么说的吧，‘结束过去的一段旅程，一切也将从头。’

我们不需要知道，他们的感情是否会随着时间的滋养，萌芽并开苞，但是有一点我们是肯定的，岁月的洗炼让他们更加慎重地看待这份未了的情缘。

我始终怀疑，自己到底对坠落和爱情的了解有多少？直到这一刻，我终于不再追究考察，不再苦思冥想。

因为，‘You will never fall before you actually in love with someone.’

‘在真正爱上一个人之前，你是绝对不会先坠落的’

所以，外国人总说'fall in love'， ‘掉入情网’，原来是这么一回事，两者息息相关，相提并论。

Posted on 18:37 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

坠

不知道自己何时坠落，似乎爱上了坠落的快感。

清楚明白那是错误的，那种快感是虚促的忆念。

我是那墨夜中的昼影，缓缓地滑下冶艳的人间。

诱惑我的并非醉人酒，是爱恨瞬间的七情六欲。
Posted on 18:36 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

童话


相信各位的童年里，都会有一些童话的存在。大多是典型的王子救公主，结局是幸福快乐的故事。

灰姑娘仙度拉就是其中赫赫有名的巨作。至今，我的印象仍然历历在目，毕竟那是我第一本童话故事。

精美的人物封面以及引人注目的色彩，让我爱不释手，也就是那一天开始，我迷恋上阅读的快感。

在天马行空的世界里，我总能快速地寻找属于自己的位置以及方向。

曾几何时，这个美丽绚烂的梦境已经转换得复杂不已。

原本简洁明了的文字被丰富的肢体语言所代替。

带着沉重的黑白灰熏染上那层层七彩缤纷的玄幻，芭蕾舞员里看不见宫廷的璀璨以及颓废的衣裳。

或许这是成长的代价？我们必须明白，那个千篇一律的道理，洞察社会尔诈我虞的心灵不再一尘不染。


十二点，是的，我望着窗外，闪烁的星空是千百年前残留的倩影。

仙度拉的华丽包装就要被剥夺了。。。 “当！”的一声，遗失的玻璃鞋只代表一个不真实的预言。

它是唯一缥缈的希望，犹如溺水瘫痪的生还者，在汪洋大海中寻见浮木如出一撤。

或许我应该抓紧，看似若隐若现，残存的救赎。
Posted on 18:35 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

失眠的夜

偶然发觉，最近频频失眠。看着待了超过半年的天花板，突然感到陌生。

我不得不承认，我在用忙碌以及消极的快乐来麻醉自己。事实上是自欺欺人的。

夜晚的宁静，反而变成一种刺耳的频率，不断在脑中徘徊，制造恼人的噪音。

是寂寞还是孤独，其实我也不清楚，多久没有真正好好静下来沉思，我完全不知道。

大人们总说，戒酒浇愁，还没到法定年龄，我无法放肆。在有限的机会接触酒精下，我仍是爱上了它。

或许就跟昏迷不醒一样吧，你可以杜绝所有外界传来的心声命令，只需要跟着你自己的感觉就好。

原因是你醉了，过分的举动是被原谅的，可悲的是，我喝醉时仍然清醒，完全没有不省人事的迹象。

连暂时解脱的权利也没有，是何其痛苦。

我很想 just follow your feelings. 但，理智不允许我作出越距的失常。

所以每个夜里，我只能凝视着漆黑，等待曙光的到来，隔天希望的降临，奇迹的出现，不是么？
Posted on 18:33 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

明年，你还爱我吗？

这是我最近在阅读的一本著作，《明年，你还爱我吗？》。

故事讲述作者在英国有学期间真实的爱情故事，看似异乡游子间的平凡爱情，却因为穿越了时空而益发动人。

整本书很简单，并不复杂，就如书的封面一般，以黑灰白打底，一艘远驶的船漂浮在某个不知名的海洋里。

有时候，我很想就像这个作者那样，放逐自己去流浪，期间慢慢体会辛劳以及自立的感觉。

理所当然的，好好品尝恋爱的甜蜜心酸，甚至生命的变幻无常。

我是只被囚禁在华丽笼子里的金丝雀，表面上过着人人称羡的生活，暗地里期盼自由自在的飞翔。

其实我的希翼就那么渺小，但我仍然无能为力，是啊，人在江湖，身不由己。
Posted on 18:31 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

枫

霏霏细雨后残落枫叶，
犹如触目惊心的血泪。

完美得不食人间烟火，
艳丽得瞬间万物失色。

悲情得伤痛欲绝，
撼动得万念俱灰。

我的非凡顷刻间摧毁，
原来的幸福逐渐搁浅。

永远不会再回眸留恋，
坚强成为唯一的信念。

我站在世界的中心呼唤，
向全世界的人暗自允诺，
下一个秋风秋雨的季节来临时，
我的喜悦会在赤枫里翩翩起舞。
Posted on 18:31 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

不幸

“你不会幸福的。 因为你是如此地自私自利，根本没有顾及他人的感受。” 这句话，狠狠地，刺入我的心坎。

我那时茫然。不知所措。就算是怒火中烧时说出这句话，真的，伤到我了。

我从来不知道，自己在别人眼里，如此的失败。

我只不过想好好地，过着安逸的生活，把自己囚禁在自我的空间里。

原来是这样，我冷笑，再丑陋的现实，在美丽的谎言糖衣包装下，依然闪烁动人。

那一瞬间，我真正了解，心寒的定义。我讶异自己的冷静，氤氲在眼里慢慢凝结，蒸发。

为什么，我要承担别人的罪过，他人的委屈，而不能维持自己的平静？

为什么要伪装？难过的时候就应该痛哭一场， 不是么？为什么要默默忍受？我不明白。

在人前已经强颜欢笑的我，内心的孤寂超越以往。

请，不要阻止我，抒发我的情绪，如果连我自己的家人都视若无睹，严厉苛责，那这个家，就再也没有向往的温暖了。

请，不要让我感到绝望，让我想逃离这个我挚爱的屋檐。好么？

我或许是任性了点，但是我从来不曾抱怨这个看似温暖开朗，却暗潮汹涌的家。

请，维持那渺小的虚像，维系这份难得的因缘，别再让我萌生 离去 的念头。
Posted on 18:30 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

四手联弹

allegro... 代表轻松快活。

第一次接触 钢琴 是五岁那年，我对黑白相间的高贵玩意儿产生了极大的兴趣。每每看见我哥陶醉在乐海之中，就有点羡慕的感觉。

第二次亲密接触 钢琴 是七岁那年，父母为我请了个钢琴教师，让我好好培养艺术细胞。开始的时候，一切简单明了，不需要太多解释就能够全译。

第三次亲密接触 钢琴 是十岁那年，豆芽们把我耍得团团转，完全理不清东南西北。我开始萌生退意。理所当然的，家长强烈反对，既然当时候是你自己要求的，为何遇到小小挫折就放弃 呢？他们反问。那时候的我，grade 4. 不上不下，进退维谷。算了吧，硬着头皮撑过去算了。

老实说吧，我一丁点儿的天分都没有。而且临场演奏和耳力，只能用惨不忍睹来形容。我开始自暴自弃，反正都没有救了，那还力挽狂澜什么呢？每一次的争吵，每 一次的面红耳赤，是为了什么啊？渐渐的，我沉默了，不再有任何反抗，任由他们自以为是的摆布。。。我只是，不想再继续挥霍着金钱以及时间，在这个不允许我 扩张的领域。就这么简单。

第四次亲密接触 钢琴 我，十四岁。 I failed my grade 7.

我不难过，毕竟这已经是预料中的结果，双重打击下，本来就表现平平的我，完全溃裂。

出国深造，理所当然的，我没有在继续abrsm的考试。在学校老师的耐心指导下，在没有任何一年一度的考试压力中，我真正体会到，什么叫做音乐。

音乐，是放纵的，不局限于任何一种空间，从贫民窟到金丝宫殿，都有 旋律的存在。

前些日子，我再一次大胆地做出 第五次，也是最近期的 接触。

四手联弹。

我终于认识到，人与人之间的沟通，不只是言语及文字全然表达的，超越束缚的 音乐，也可以让你感同身受。

Posted on 18:28 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

音。乐

现在对我来说，音乐变成是一种解脱。

人的宿命，反反复复。

曾经令我感到疲惫不堪的任务，竟然成为我放松心情的爱好。

不过，音乐也能够算是一种精神上的寄托。

最重要的，就是 快乐 吧，人生何其短暂，何必折磨自己？

平淡及其一生，真的，没有什么不好。
Posted on 18:28 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

风风雨雨

原来，面对生命无常，再顶尖的人也束手无策。

然而，临验悲欢离合，再坚强的人也爱莫能助
Posted on 18:27 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

忘我

浪 迹 天 涯，

客 座 天 下，

冰 劲 风 影，

馨 绝 寡 情。
Posted on 18:26 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

冬阳

今天的天气，还真是，风雨交加。

早晨新闻气象局报道说，是季风。

晚间新闻，另一则报道指出由于季风强烈，三十多间排屋被吹毁，造成数人轻重伤。这已经是不幸中的大幸了。

我在学校的钢琴室里，一遍又一遍地重重敲击琴键。我确实是故意的，我承认。毕竟呼啸的风，让我不堪其扰。

感觉上，从音箱传出的 Winter Sun 有点走调，虽然被风声掩饰得很好，没人知道，虽然。如此。

我很不满，非常极为的，不是在埋怨，只是对自己的慌神感到不安。

冬阳，即，冬天的太阳，是温暖，同时寒冷，两极化的合并。很讽刺吧，风又起了。

我开始颤抖，人的本性就是如此懦弱。
Posted on 18:25 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

七的情缘

昨夜，细雨绵绵。

我站在铁制窗边，沉思。

每一次下雨，就有沉淀的感觉。不可思议的是，也有安心。

最近，我经常心浮气躁，不是疯疯癫癫的，就是沉默不语，近乎两极化的性格，让家人吃不消。

It's raining again。

我开始在暗夜的魅力下，失去了原有的方向。渐长的发丝，掩饰了我左眼的迷茫。

我从来不曾，怀疑自己的决定，我总认为，唯一一个可以为我将来做出预测的人，是我自己。

所以，我不想给自己时间去后悔，去反悔。

放眼望去，我几乎是个没有希望和梦想的人，别人的举动，在我眼里，是必然的反应。

就算愤怒，欢笑，哭泣，懊恼，都是一种平淡的伪饰。

从头到尾，我的心里其实没有什么感觉，特别的感觉。

我很害怕，甚至恐惧。

自我调适良好，也能算是一种天生的无情么？

至今，我面对过一次的死亡，却，无动于衷，即使是双亲。

那时的我，被众人当作年幼无知，只有我自己知道。

我完全了解整个事实，整个残酷且冰冷的事实。

我一滴眼泪也没掉，完全没有，脸上没有一丝丝哀伤。

‘为什么要哭？哭了有什么用？她也不会回来了，而且只会让她的灵魂不能安心离去。’

‘生活还是要继续，她走了，我依然要生存，甚至更加坚强。’

冷眼旁观他人伤痛欲绝的泪水，我如此想着。

那年的我，七岁。

是不是从那个时候开始，我就已经学会了自我保护，不再把私人感情深入更多的世事，好让自己不再受伤。

我是自私的，我没有否认过，连我家人，都那么认为。

七岁那年，是我生命中最大的转折。那天真活泼浪漫的我，从此烟飞化灭，不复存在。

如今，七年了。

七，对别人来说，是幸运的。

而我，却被它折磨。
Posted on 18:25 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

爱意燎原

爱若控制得了就不是爱，人离开了心还在。

入秋。秋风秋雨愁煞人。
Posted on 18:24 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

瘟疫

我不是神，我只是个平凡人。

从来不能够奢求什么，只要一生幸福。

我不期盼荣华富贵，金银珠宝。

但求无愧我心，三餐温饱。

所以，不要把我逼到悬崖，在寒风中颤栗。

因此，不要把我赶尽杀绝，在绝望中悲泣。
Posted on 18:22 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

夏恋

盲目的这样爱上对方，
装疯卖傻的一起过日子。
那就这么做吧，
不是酒后疯言疯语，
我不会后悔，
一辈子不再分开，
仲夏夜之后的定情之吻，
会是我毕生难忘的初恋。
Posted on 18:21 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

快乐的真谛

一个礼拜，对某些人来说，很短促，反观，也许冗长。

人生，说起来，长，也长不过永远，短，仍短不过一瞬。

如果按照我的想法来说的话，人生真的仓皇得不可思议。

或许你们会询问我，为什么会提到这种不切实际的问题。

是啊，古人说，荏苒冬春谢,寒暑忽流易。既然光景如梭，为什么，咱们不活得快了一点？

悲是一天，喜也是一天，把烦恼抛与九霄云外，何乐不为？

看看我吧，小学的时候，只会一个劲儿的读书，讨好老师，争权夺利，为校争光。对，我是很高兴自己能够有这么一种高尚的情操，但是，日子久了，日复一日的， 是绝对会疲惫的。为了面子以及荣耀，我只好默默承受，或许有些人会说是我自己活该，选了一条那么贪慕虚荣的‘康庄大道’。朋友虚情假意，为了攀上好关系才 与我结交，甚至一些在得到好处就背叛了我。。。嫉妒犹如妖艳的毒蛇般缓慢地缠绕意志力薄弱的人群。就是那样，我度过了外人看起来光鲜亮丽，本质腐朽不堪的 五年生活。

到了初中，我开始会想，虽然，仍然会不时地争取机会，让自己在人群中突出。中学不比小学，竞争人手强烈，我不再是唯一的佼佼者。回想起来，我有点感谢他 们，让我能够修复自己崎岖坎坷的道路，走向真正平凡的人生。初二那年，我结交了一群知心好友，纵然是短暂的岁月，但是我已经非常满足了。他们让我初尝到友 谊的真挚。

今年，我高中了，来到了完全陌生的异乡，继续深造。开始当然是彷徨的，渐渐的，家人朋友的安慰舒缓了我紧张的情绪。我非常了解，有些事情，不是靠争取就能 够拥有的，有时候还是要有运气的支持。情绪的自我控制，真的很重要。所以，我只是尽量把学业完成，并没有如往常般，用尽全力。太伤神了，不是么？人，最重 要的是快乐和幸福。理所当然的，现实生活中的金钱以及健康需要被顾及。可是，一个丧失了天真笑颜的人，可能是最痛苦的吧？我真的不能否认，现在的我，怀抱 着的依然只是消极的快乐。我正在荆棘迷雾中寻找快乐的真谛。

下面这句话赠与关心我的人们，

这么多年来，虽然那层防卫的面具陪伴我的岁月并没完全撤去，但是我相信，有一天我能够用自己最坦然的表情来面对你们的真诚。我会努力的，就算，要花上一辈子的时间。庆幸有你们的陪伴鼓励，让我勇敢面对生活中水深火热的考验。
Posted on 18:20 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

寥寥无几

有时候会害怕，
甚至感到恐惧。
我不知道到底在哪里？
哪一个角落？
会是我落脚得下一个地方。
我总是感到无奈，
无所适从，
就算是短住留学，
我一直是在无可奈何的情况下被逼适应。
之后又匆匆离去，
这是生活的一部分，
我就像是个现代的浪子，
漫无目标的流落异乡。

可悲吗？
其实不，
最可恨的是我恍惚不定的神智。

伤感吗？
依然否，
最哀怨的是我逐渐窒息的勇气。
Posted on 18:19 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

了

突发奇想期盼恢复以往的天真自我，
是否心已经迷失在禁忌的森林旧没着落。

我不想承担自欺欺人的罪过，
或许我曾经瞒天过海的伪装过，
完美的矫揉造作。

总以为弊病少于收获，
可是却严重受挫，
每日以泪洗面自责难过。。。

终于看清后果，
不想再把心灵扰乱于困惑，
决定默默守候在自己的角落，
平静地建立起独立的天国。
Posted on 18:18 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

问号？

为什么？
偶尔，我只是觉得，为什么这句话，很沉重。
是一种质问，责怪，贬义，疑惑或是追究？

我不喜欢问别人，为什么？
因为回答有时候很沉重，费尽心思的冗长答案通常别人不会满意。
只是，求知欲让我们都想这么说，那么问。

我不懂，其实已开始我就不了解，为什么的重要性。
将心比心，又有谁，真正能够全译为什么背后深一层的含义呢？
Posted on 18:15 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

我*

三番两次，
牺牲一切，
把性命当作救我的赌注，
这样的你，
我又怎么可能不动情？

直到我死去的那一天，
我才会停止爱你，
不管这是谎言还是承诺，
我确信那一刻我感受到了你的温柔。
Posted on 18:14 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

outing 2583

it has been a very long time from previous post. cause life is like a cup plain water, nothing much to elaborate about. waking up, eat breakfast, go to school, go home, have dinner, do assignment, online and finally go to bed. everything recycle again the next day...
damn boring...


here comes mid-term break... and my third outing session... hee... it was exciting though... ;p

Shower vs Bath * Chapter 1

few days earlier, me and jac try to find out the weather on the actual outing date... however, it came up to be a bad news... there was gonna be a 'shower' and terribly freezing temperature... but then the next day, jac told me she saw on another weather broadcast which informed that Friday was a great sunny day. Mostly, people tends to believe the positive sight of issues... me and jac were quite optimistic. Unfortunately, it turned up to be "not just" a 'shower', but a flooding 'bath'. Sitting in the car, we started to argue about the definition of amount on Raining... =.=''' hee....

The Body Shop * Chapter 2

after everyone reached Myer and gathered together, we were heading towards The Body Shop. Jac, Mandy, Leen leen ;D and Chris was going to buy some souvenir for their host parent in Jap. Therefore, me and Ave just wandered around the shop and i continued to waste lots of eau de toilette's (aka body perfume) tester. there were variety of smells from the range of combination between each perfume... suddenly, there was a shopkeeper called Deborah approached us and starting to introduc how good their products. suprisingly, she changed her topic to personal problem which was the choices between plastic and metal framed glasses... erm... it is kind of interesting anyway... i suddenly connect this issue towards our economic problems... limited resources - unlimited sources; the relatively scarce of resources and they have to make choices anyway; things that are given up will be the opportunity cost. whatever though, it is a bit weird that i can link up this two things... i think i am too stressed with school works... have to get more rest...

Post Office ~ Commonwealth of Australia Buildings * Chapter 3

This Sunday is kinda important for me cause it is my best friend Chyi's birthday... Happy birthday to you, Chyi... Anyway, i made her a birthday card and wrote a letter for my friends in Malaysia... actually i m really in a nervous situation cause i m kinda worried that the letter wont have chance to be delivered. Luckily, Ave was very kind and offer me help to accompany me to the Post Office while other went off to David Jones. The building is kinda antique and Baroque style... Besides, it is also HUGE and EMPTY... the post office is just like small part of it. after buying the stamp and air mail stickers... we went off to find the actual post station... it is like having adventure, running and looking for the post box every where Inside the building.... unfortunately, we cant find any... and when the time we almost gave up and walking out from the building, I saw a clipboard hanging on my right handside which stated "please post your mail here" and an arrow is addressed to the right handside again... thankgod.... but then, there were an upcoming difficulties, how are we supposed to glue the stamp on the envelope? without hestitating, i decided to use the most UN-hygenic way which is licking the stamp... the saliva can act as a glue anyway... the feeling of the stamp is quite smooth but a bit disgusting... the worst thing is we found the air mail stickers that used to be a sticker Does Not Sticks! this time is not that hard to get rid of the problem... ave willingly sacrifice her clean water and everything is done... eventually, just hope that the delivery speed of Australia Post can be as fast as an aeroplane though.... kinda impossible...

Smart Rider incident * Chapter 4

after having lunch and finished shopping in city beach... we just simply decide to go to Harbour Town... because everyone is getting picked up there anyway... We got to the land 9 of the Trainstation, waiting quietly for the Smart Rider arrived... not quiet actually, cause me and ave is like trying to insert the SR card into the machine and it doesnt work... the train arrived and we still haven find out a solution for which is the correct side should be insert... anyway again... we just cant be stuffed and got onto the train. basically, ave,jac and eileen sit on the opposite row of me, laura, mandy. our sides are facing the automatic door. when we almost reached the station, lau tell me to stand up later. but when we actually arrived, jac, ave and eileen is like sitting there... relaxing and stuff... we were looking at each other doubtfully.... and finally someone realized the automatic door was gonna closed... we rushed out of the train... and later when me and jac went back, she told be the people inside the train was laughing at our funny act.... well... it was very hilarious eventually, but then it was also great fun when there was silly mistake occured occasionally.

Harbour Town vs Polka Dots dress? * Final Chapter

there was still like 2 hours left when we reached Harbour Town, it was the first time I had been here. I like the contruction of building here... it gave me a solid and bright feeling with steel and unshaded bazaar. I told Lau, but she seems to be confused with my idea... hehe. ohya, we were also discussing about the 'expressing true feelings towards each other' topic. (hahaha, I bet you all will thought that I am crazy) just as normal, we went into a few boutique which was comparatively cheaper then the others in city. actually i was planning to buy pants but it is just hard to buy one that suits my style... i saw a greyish jacket with flurry stuff around the cutting in one of the stall and try to put in on... Ave and Lau was the first one saw me trying the jackets... their comment is ... 'you looks like a bikers though...' and ave expressed her statement strongly with 'the green shoes don't fit into this jacket!' hee... and Jac's comment is even shocking then theirs... 'you looks like a MAN...' I am like bursting into laugh. in fact, some of the 'aunties' and 'sisters' heard it too and starting to look at me... I just like this kind of style... it is described as dull, greenish... old, mankind of ...from what I have heard... yet, the most perfect word to express accurately was TB... tomboy... my friend try to ‘encourage' me to buy something bright, cheerful and young... Lau forced me to try on a black polka dotted white dress... it turned up to be quite cute... that is what I heard from the comment... thanks, guys... i knew you all are trying hard to change me into a feminine style... I promise I ll when the time has come... when I have to grow up... :D

so, it was actually a great fine day... except for the shower in the morning... and it was great fun... ;p good night and enjoy your mid term break...





Posted on 20:12 by l'Cie and filed under | 6 Comments »

les miserable

windy day... feeling a bit lonely...

today is the last day of this trip staying in malaysia... thanks to Chyi （我和蔼的妈，嘿）, San （可爱的婆）, Jun （猴子狒狒，哈）& Ting（我最诚挚的贵宾）and Wen （F1赛车女郎，扫把后）.... hahaha, I have great fun last two days... anyway, I hope that next trip we can still gather together!! and play around... Huhu...

all of a sudden, silence... sometimes, life is just too complicated to understand...
Posted on 19:11 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

unlucky week

hahaha... life is that depressing but I am still trying to force myself to smile...
Monday my leg got bruised; Tuesday I went off to the anime shop to buy some souvenir for my friend and it end up with the shop moved away; Wednesday I got running nose and soarthroat, besides, I went for haircut and it turned up to be horribly STYLE...

and today.... I got stomachache and headache... How sad... I can't really predict what will happen tomorrow... Maybe there will be much more terrible thing happen... haiz...
Posted on 16:40 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

de...

life without hope is miserable, I can admit that without doubt...
actually the purpose of hope is just giving a perfect illusion to someone and make them achieve it, not everyone can taste the sweetness of success.

DE, means cannot be bothered. don't ask me why.

bababa...dududduludulu...bababa... undefinable vocal...

I just want to emphasize one thing, a people like me without feeling of hopeful towards future is just a wasting of time, isnt? I don't like to, and I don't want to, try to understanding the definition of growing up... why? because I am just useless, I am too selfish to sacrifice anything to change a better consequences...

如果微笑背后纯粹无奈，那又何必假装活得精彩？
Posted on 12:09 by l'Cie and filed under | 4 Comments »

extreme unfamiliar

Yesterday was really tiring... :P
It was... really, touring around with airplane and chasing the time in the airport weren't that fun anyway...

Plus... I watch FIFA until 5 AM... Italy won, yahoo! er... people whom support france don't be dissapointed... lol, but I thought last night the referee was really UNFAIR!!! Especially the 'zidance' incident... hem hem... I thought he might be 'kopi o' (haha, well... m'sia friends know what it meant to be)

But then... life is always unfair, nothing is perfectly matched or balanced... it is the world, the very materialistic world we live in... being harsh towards equality...

zzz... still yawning... tomorrow gonna visit KC, quite 'excited'... hope that you all won't forget me so quickly, your lovely "popo". haiz... days had gone by silently (ave, is there any grammar mistake here? tell me if you see)

right, there is a summary here... m'sia's AIR is really POLLUTED... compare with aus... besides, m'sia's is really BURNING compare with aus... it is not complain... but just a bit... erm, unfamiliar... environment actually influence us a lot....
Posted on 12:30 by l'Cie and filed under | 4 Comments »

happy ING

hey guys, it had been a long time we chat ya. ha. lots of thing happen and changed too. there were ups and downs, and most importantly... semester one ended. it is such a long time again since i started my totally unfamiliar lifestyle here, and i am going back my hometown. :D
Relax and build up stamina to challenge more opportunity and hardships... sad...

well, undeniably, it is very "exciting" (haha), kinda... i suppose it will become a wonderful trip... hope so...

apparently, this is one of the reason i am kinda hyper... happy ING... believe that people whom listen to May Day band will know what is it meant to be..
Can't wait till that day i go back to KC... there a majority of people don't really know i am returning... huhu, obviously, i didn't tell to give them a suprise... hope that they'll apprieciate too...

in conclusion(seems to be in an essay, :P), I thought I had to work harder next semester... not overstressed but ya, just cut off the amount of time playing around, trying to use the reason that I am still not adapt to the environment again and again... there is still much more time for me to fit it... yeap, the time for me to be adapted and slacked was limited... in a critical point... maybe, next semester will be an ANTI-on9 period... harsh for me though, got addicted to forums and blogs... especially novels...
I'll try harder, to control myself, I made a promise with myself... there will be still suitable amount of entertainment I suppose so... but... not overflowed... if it is unsuccessful... i ll still try my best... ya, I ll.
Posted on 23:35 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

怨

那该死的爱，

如果人生能够从来，

我又怎么舍得倒带，

把你我的回忆当作一遍空白？

曾经的精彩，

如今的阴霾，

是否会成为永久障碍？

停滞的悲哀，

麻木的无奈，

是不寒而栗的伤害。

Posted on 23:31 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

并不想，长大。

向往已久。不知不觉，半年了。
连我自己都不清楚这段期间我到底做了什么，为自己的未来贡献了什么。
或许吧，平时表现出来的泰然自若是虚幻，真正的感受是彷徨。
我只是不太想，担心我的人时刻挂忧。

怎么好象弄巧成拙？
我感叹，岁月真的经不起蹉跎。
偶尔，还是会对自己不明智的选择深感失落。

告诉自己，已经没有机会反悔。
这是定下来的格局，我要朝着某个特定的方向前进。
纵然，并非心甘情愿。
就算，从没臣服于此。
回顾过往，又有什么用处？换来的只是更多的忧虑烦恼。

倘若生命对我还仁慈的话，那它一定不会做出如此愚蠢的决定。
无奈阿，因为我就是自己的主人。
却，仍然身不由己，
放任自己的控制权，恐怕遍体鳞伤还是要对自己无知的行为付出极大的责任与代价。

这是个极其危险但还是有人愿意冒险的世界，
说穿了，名誉，利益，就是一种变相的奖赏。
贪图这些来去无常的身外之物，何苦？
不是不想，我也想做到潇洒了然的境界。
但，现实的压榨使得大家不得不盲目地信仰。
相信这是他们胡作非为的解释，
信任金钱名利带给他们的会是无穷的快感。
我只是个平凡人，这是个利诱的红尘。
尔诈我虞的万花筒。

我的问题很简单，我可不可以，不要也不知道，金钱利益的重要？

Posted on 23:27 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

绿光冰焰

我是风，不会呼啸的风。
我是雨，不会倾盆的雨。
我是光，不曾闪烁的光。
我是焰，不曾燃起的焰。
我只是一抹翠绿，看似平静而无害，暗潮汹涌。
看似天真而轻率，沧海桑田。
我只是一息空气，毫无价值或质量，千斤万两。
毫无色彩或醇香，绚烂馨兰。
冰，雪后寒冽的心，
寒峭不断的情，冷若冰霜。

Posted on 23:24 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

first goal, how about the next?


Guess what, hehe, I got my very 1st goal two days ago... hee, people who knew me wouldn't believe that... OLEH OLEH!! well ya, it is really unbelievable... Finally, I understand "soccer" is a kind of sports that controlled well by erm... central nerve system without using your brain, ya, of course for strategies. But then, when you are in the real situation... you can't really figure out what is the next step... you can if you are an expert... apparently, I am NOT. XD
Since earlychildhood, I don't get why people laugh and shout for their successful shooting and stuff like that, and I get it now. I did the samething, I wave my hand in the air hell crazy, High Five with my members and ya, it is very erm... hilarious... I can't imagine myself being like that either...(oops, it is TOO>>) LOL.

However... Goals is somekinds of stuff that we have to set up and actually achieve in our limited life time (ya, that is what my career ed teacher always emphasizing...) ... But normally, I DON'T... Not my fault, hee... I totally disagree... Well, career pathway... I still don't get it... ok, let's see... DOCTOR, er, sorry, NO, I hate being visited by sickish people; next, LAWYER, er, sorry, NO again, I hate to debate with others...; DENTIST, NONONO... Imagine you have to look at teeth and smell the disgusting odour of it everyday... so, what is next? Engineer? haha, it is very FUNNY, I have no interest going on with mining and building... =.="

see, how terrible and picky I am... so, no point choosing the subjects for yr 11 too... hahaha... most likely, I'LL go onto mathscience pathway... don't think I'm really looking forward to it... everyday digital and logical... my life will be buried under THINKING Logically and Effiecienly... Interaction & Changes... Impact on Society... Algebra... Trig... Spaces... Graphs... Quads... and whatelse? ohya, the worst... compulsory thingy... ENGLISH...

I am not trying to complain my life, but ya, I am trying my best to overcome every difficulties, it is harsh for me, as well as my life too... Kept telling myself, DON'T Worry, everything will be FINE... I wonder how long I can still last for? forever? two years? four years? ten months?
Posted on 18:01 by l'Cie and filed under | 2 Comments »

坠落的天使

不要问我是谁，
千万别告诉我你是谁。

我的存在，
只会捣乱你的未来。

放弃所有一切的安排，
让一阵阵悲哀排山倒海。

惨痛的折磨，
只会使你更加落魄。

那是地狱的规则，
撒旦唯一的快乐。

看着人们泪声俱下，
最后屈服于它的膝下。
Posted on 17:53 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

无题

当那残酷的事实正面回应我的时候，我的眼神变得犹豫无比。看着你快乐的脸庞，那闪闪发光的戒指，不再温柔的语调，我的灵魂枯竭了。浪漫的回忆，不再。以为岁月的侵蚀， 无法让人轻易低头。曾经熟悉的声音，钻入我脆弱的耳蜗里。 欲言又止的情感，埋没在深邃的眼瞳里。曾经的放手，我到底做错了么？

我应该遗 忘，遗忘那伤人的以往。自欺欺人的动作，却瞒不过自己的心。仍然无法忘怀的你，已经让我的理智崩溃。不要独自难过，让我来替你分担。这是你的温 柔。猛烈的火势，却烧不去我对你轰轰烈烈的情感。让那付之一炬的爱慕，随风漂流。一不小心，我让那粉碎的片断，随着我的泪，闪进我的眼帘。不明不白的，再 次闯进我的胸口。醉人的颓废，荒芜的幸福。

那时的穹苍，仍蔚蓝。扰乱的秩序，回不来。排山倒海的回忆，蜂拥而来。就算是世纪的轮回，我依旧不敢放弃。找不回来的那份纯真，也许只能在暗夜里默默饮泣。我的存在只为你而拥有价值。我不想再被你感动了，祈求的信仰，曾经的守护，早在那场大雪纷飞中被豪雪放逐。

我祝你幸福，就算是为了我，你也要幸福。我会在暗处凝望着你，虽然沉重，但是这一切牺牲和付出的代价，远不比你的快乐重要。

为什么我不可以乘着柔风，顺着我的翅膀翱翔？为什么我不能鼓起勇气，由着我的力量奔腾？

我已经死了，彻底阵亡了。

献给 悲伤
Posted on 17:50 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

西罗纳之风

许愿，
但愿某一天，
某一个光怪陆离的空间，
能够遇见自己的元神。

倾诉着一生的遗憾，
论诉着一生的成就，
起诉着一生的不平，
低诉着一生的悲痛，
泣诉着一生的忏悔。

那样就够了，
我对自己的良心不会再过于不去。
了解自己的一切，
前生，来世，
完整的点滴。

毕竟，
忘记了痛苦的人生，
是不会完整的。
既空洞，又无助。
生死同在的经历里，
有着无数的教诲。

或许一切都不再重要，
离去的那一天，
有着西罗纳吹拂着柔和的风，
在寒冷的冬天里下起一场豪雪，
把我的灵魂洗涤。

带给无止境的欢乐，
取而代之的是希望。
Posted on 17:49 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

醉意风发

酒虽不能解愁，却能让人忘忧。

血腥风雨间，闻见的是颓废，触碰的是尸体。
人生不过梦一场，又何谓荒度岁月？
人在江湖，身不由己。
有所得，必有所失。

梦里花开，花落，
轻颤的眼帘，蕴含着无数无奈，
那一颦一笑，刀光剑影。

袅袅轻烟，恍若隔世。
穹苍不晴，老天爷不作美，
顿时亲盆大雨。

风，如璀璨的光芒，
一闪而过。
那惊世骇人的速度，
一触即发。
Posted on 17:47 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

虹燕

秋风瑟瑟，我的眼眸在淡紫色的瞳孔中失去方向。

倾盆大雨，我的昂首在银白色的发丝间瞬间扰乱。

不明不白。真是，多么荒谬的一场仰慕。

不清不楚。莫非，如此惊世的一段回顾。

黑白交加。我懂了，原来你的心是两极化的。

正负焦点。我明了，无非我的情是很专制的。

你，就顺着彩虹飞翔。不必顾虑，你绝对有权利，选择翱翔的自由。
Posted on 17:46 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

闻笛

潇潇岫壑忘川水，幽幽冥谷烧伤泪。

犹如琉璃般清澈且无邪，仿若爱情般浓稠且多情。

原来忘记很简单。缅怀却仍然困难。

一千烦恼尽断根，远离十丈软红尘。

我没有资格了，因为你的高贵气息我不想沾染。

我自动弃权了，尤其你的非凡气质我不愿侵犯。
Posted on 17:45 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

空栏

浪迹天涯，不知落脚于何处？

放眼望去，到底哪里是归宿？

一千烦恼尽断根，远离十丈软红尘。

盼望，希翼。是否真的太过贪婪，所以一无所有？
Posted on 17:44 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

白开水

朋友说，你总是一副淡定的样子，仿若天下从来没有人能够影响你的决定，不会有任何人可以主宰你的前途，甚至阻挡你的不幸？

有人说，全世界最天真的人非你莫属。

是不是伪装的太好了？让人人都认为，我是没有烦恼的，永远都是那种潇洒的态度，不拘泥，不固执。最算人生的旅程滑到谷底，脸上依然挂着温和的微笑。

那一成不变的微笑，沉默，思考。人们从来就不会去想要更深地了解，背后的波涛汹涌，澎湃不已。

大喜大悲的日子过惯了，我渴望平淡。淡如其水。

白开水般的生活，又何尝不好？
Posted on 17:42 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

绿秋

原来的天空很蓝，不知不觉在我的彩绘下变成了绿色的。魔鬼的绿。

没头没脑的突然一句话，是否带给了自己及大的创伤？

是我不懂的珍惜，窗外的景物已经逐渐凋零。由夏天的生气盎然转换成秋天的秋风瑟瑟。

是否在很久远的未来，当我回首的时候，回忆仍然完整？

有本书写过，以往了痛苦的人生，是不会完美的。恐惧的自己，选择了局部性的失忆。

为了挽求纯净的心灵，我唯有的安慰是持续的颓废。

是啊，我在很久以前也喜欢上了堕落，就算是倾家荡产，仍然目空一切地追随。

赔上了未来而得到的快乐，是虚伪的。
Posted on 17:40 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

忆念

我的心里面，
藏着对你的思念，
你温柔如水的脸，
燃成袅袅轻烟，
在我心坎里搁浅。

无边的爱恋，
不再是重点，
指弹之间，
恍若隔世如此遥远，
爱恨一瞬间，
凄美的永远。

唯一的心愿，
期盼再多一点，
 余下忘怀的空间，
淡去苦涩的梦魇。

心对心的依恋，
 人对人的爱恋，
 过度的遥远，
 仍然会疲倦。

 请别说再见，
 使那一秒的夙愿，
让那一刻的惊艳，
 化作回忆里的永远。
Posted on 17:38 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

dark sunday


Just opposite to the topic, it is a warm and sunny sunday. But for me, it is absolutely a disaster.

Just around one hour and forty-five minutes ago, the disaster end up with a 90 degrees bow.

All of a sudden, my finger slip into a wrong cadences, keys whatsoever.... everything goes truly wrong. I thought it doesn't represent the failure, it is just a mistake, from the starts till the ends. I won't want anyone even myself to remember that. Hence, I just felt terrible... carbon dioxide is filling through out my lungs and oxygen kept ignored from it.

回荡在教堂里的掌声，是最讽刺的一种奚落。

我不想认为有人会在意，因为应该不会有人会记得，或许只是虚荣心作祟。
Posted on 11:48 by l'Cie and filed under | 0 Comments »

Slave of time


Once upon a time... until both of them live happily forever after...

ya, it just seems to be like a fairy tale. kinda... sort of... PERFECT & PREDICTABLE

but hey, there is a catch... it is just a kind of illustration represents by the author...

But real life is definitely not, everything just seems to be so soon, I start to wonder about my future?

During kindergarten, my future is all about elementary school.

After elementary school, my future is continue towards middle school.

Later on, it turns to be senior school. Just as simple as having daily meal, we can predict the next step will be uni... What about it?

Now the issues start to pop up... and it is very "essential" for my future... once more, emphasize!

And now it is the time to select my ongoing pathway... right or left? under or above? behind or front? heaps of choice that you can decide on...

You can imagine few pieces of cake placed in front of you, and... you job is just choose one and eat it... after that you digest... it turns into energy and helps you in different aspect... finally, ya, you just get rid of it....

It is simply a process that anyone will go along with... but what if you choose the wrong one? A piece of cake with toxics and the faulty stuff or wrong ingredients in it?

You can illustrate when things go right and smoothly... in contrast, think about the risk you are going to take.... just like gambling, if you are lucky enough to win everything, that is your properity and fortune... so, how about you lost all your game? selling your houses, cars and luxury items... getting all your saving out from the bank, having mortgage, offset debt... guys, it is not just some "game functions" on Monopoly, it WILL actually happen in your lifetime... if you didnt organize everything in certain effective way... havent come out solution for you future... being stuffed and made the wrong decision....

I thought I might introduced too much negative sides of thinking to you all, I have to apologize for that... you may not understand, if you do... just ya, don't worry about it... everything will still recycle as usual tomorrow... sun will still rise up and there is still unlimited of assignments not being finished...

如果说，这辈子的遗憾，莫过于放任自己的思绪使用在自怨自艾的份上吧？嗯，这句话用英语很难表达，如果能的话，我会翻译的。

the next death... coming soon... so long, farewell...
Posted on 00:20 by l'Cie and filed under | 3 Comments »

恶作剧之吻 vs 浪漫满屋


嗯，看完了，感触其实蛮深的。

偶尔，觉得自己有点像直树，不是因为我IQ两百，只是他孤独的眼神，映照出灵魂的空洞。

或许郑元畅真的把这个人物演绎得栩栩如生吧。

与此同时，我祝福大家有情人终成眷属，犹如戏里的一对壁人，湘琴和直树。往后的生活里，或许还有丛丛困难，但是有心爱的伴侣携手度过，苦涩的滋味自然会化成蜂蜜般甜美可口。

yeah, for those who don't understand what I am talking about, hope that you all would live happily forever after. although it is so hard to achieve a perfect life, but don't ever give up yourself or any of your hope. stay still in the position you felt right to and work hard. I can't promise you can be awarded exactly what you desire but at least your effort won't be wasted.

Live is such a miserable for me, however, I just don't want others to go through the same pathway as me anymore. fight for your dream even the chance of success is not that high.

如果使用韩文的话，就是 AZA AZA FIGHTING!!
Posted on 21:16 by l'Cie and filed under | 2 Comments »

Sapphire's inferno




Hey guys！

Basically, it is just all about stuff and things like what I thought about my daily life. I'll then record bit and pieces if I am free...

However, this is the first time I did actually spent time on English blog... ya, but there'll still a bit chinese interfered within. haha...well, it is kinda memorable.

So, this is my inferno, the very darkness from the deep of my heart. A kind of expression towards feeling.

and finally, my name is Vincent and nice to meet you all. feel free to jot down your lovely comment！XD
Posted on 20:18 by l'Cie and filed under | 3 Comments »

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